In between naps, bottles and trying to roll into the couch/TV stand/end table/dog/swing base, I occasionally turn on Baby TV to entertain the child and attempt to stave off an upcoming breakdown. The bright colors and classical music are entertaining enough for his 5 month old brain – and distracting enough to run to the bathroom so I can live a life without joining the child in diapers. God forbid I have 3 minutes of quiet time with my porcilin BFF in the morning.
But what seemed to be an innocent decision to allow him to stare blankly at characters teaching numbers and letters, let me be the first person to condemn nearly EVERYTHING on that network.
Where on earth is the FCC? This is not only offensive, but HORRIFYING.
I’m dead serious – someone with a fancy government title needs to report this.
Have you seen what is being shown on TV? Geared for KIDS you say? Oh no no no no no no…
First up. These things:
DEAR LORD. This is going to give ME nightmares. These mice live in the “Tick-Tock” house. And like pushing things around, not wearing pants, and doing awful hand gestures trying to convey how terrible the vignettes are.
For the love of all that is holy - one is named TOOT. That’s right, the writing geniuses of this creepy show thought a fart joke for 6 month-olds was appropriate.
Well its not. It’s weird.
But not as weird as “TEC the Tractor”. This thing will make you want to jab your eyes out.
Just look at him!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s a tractor that just talks with his eyebrows! What on earth!?
First of all, this talking tractor is just plain old stupid. You are built to work on a farm, and you don’t know that chicken’s lay eggs? And what on earth makes you scared of the dentist!? Because the fork lift was getting tuned up? Ugh, what a stupid tractor.
Also – I’ve never seen this creep-o do anything but drive around like my ex-roomates after Lodge Bar dollar beer night. You are a instrument for hard labor. For goodness sake – get to plowing or threshing or whatever you are required to do by your weird human owners/caregivers.
The point is – just put in The Little Mermaid or Lion King. Your child’s brian development will be none the wiser – and that dream catcher your grandma sent to you for your 13th birthday while she was vacationing with her live in boyfriend in Santa Fe, New Mexico that is still hanging above your bed - will have one less nightmare consisting of lazy talking tractors attacking the clock homes of pants-less mice.